Ordnance Services Viersen (Hilsea Barracks) 1984 - 1987

After leaving Hong Kong I had 7 weeks leave to get through before arrival in Viersen (Hilsea Barracks), so first things first had 3 weeks in Northampton showing off our new arrival (Louise) and Katie to other family members, everything was ok at first then started to get boring, so went to Newcastle for a couple of weeks. Our favourite joint services movement centre were consistent as ever, I had to fly separately from my family to Dusseldorf, my family would be flying the next day!, nothing like keeping things simple. Again I arranged for a married quarter to be available on arrival, but when I got to camp the first thing the orderly room sergeant said was "Have you seen this", it was another posting order for the Falklands in 3 months time (loving this already!). I eventually got to Danziger Strasse in Moenchengladbach an hour later and quickly made things a bit more habitable, beds etc, then the next day obviously back to Dusseldorf to pick up my family but later would have to sort something out ref my surprise holiday to the south atlantic.

Viersen was not what I expected, a sleepy little hollow for civilians and time served senior ranks/officers (spot the junior rank), I suppose it was too cushy for my liking with a short working week (friday afternoons off) most spent this time shopping in the naafi at Rhinedalen. My job was boring, not too specific, think this place was really for providing work for the local civilian workforce, however, I did get moved to the next building due to two senior ranks arguing in front of the troops (WRAC 29 Company). I wasn't looking forward to the move, my boss was a civilian, a brit from Houghton-le-spring in Durham, nearly a Geordie, but with an attitude problem, 29 coy were all female soldiers based in Rhinedalen, most were good lasses, a few were trouble IMHO lol.

I did manage to escape this dreary place through sports i.e. footy, X - country and cricket otherwise I'd go mad, the best thing about here was living in Moenchengladbach, lovely place, clean, friendly and handy for the autobahn (61) to go back to Venlo. Our street was full of yanks and military policemen, safe as houses ? I don't think so, the RSM SIB (a few doors down) got burgled and his new car nicked, the yanks were friendly enough but with strange habits like doing an oil change (Car) above street drains until the local plods fined them DM 10,000, a costly lesson. One bloke decided to paint the base of a tree in his back garden, at 2 in the morning he painted it white, nice touch, then he received a large fine to match.

My old mate Spud Murphy and his misses Jackie (ex 3 BAD) were here too, so we had some laughs in the mess, which incidentally was top heavy with warrant officers, who kept the one arm bandits topped up, the mess was well in the black, worth DM 55,000 at that time. Brian Hosband was the RSM, what with him, Spud and Paul Rodgers life was never boring (in the mess!). On exercise (we never left camp!) the mess was well attended in the evenings in full NBC kit and SMG. We had a cocktail party, my other old mate Phil Norbury and his misses Norma came down from Detmold (Wetmold more like), it was the best night there ever, Me, Spud and Phil together again what a laugh, just like old times again (3 Bad Bracht). At ten in the mornings we used to congregate in the mess for coffee and a ham roll, the thing was on checking my mess bill at the end of the month I noticed I was eating more than I thought, but as it turned out Mr Murphy! was forging my signature when signing for the ham rolls, the bugger, but I got him back. Spud & Jackie got posted to Celle, However, I was to meet up again with them and Phil & Norma in Tidworth, but more on that later, we just couldn't get away from each other, very special friends. Later another mate from Honkers was posted in, Mick & Dai Kemble, I was asked to take over a married quarter for them, however the guy moving out (RMP) left the place in sh*t state so I refused, I did eventually manage to get they're quarter near the Bunter Gardens, sorted, turned out it was bigger / better than mine, so I was well unimpressed.

Now came the awkward bit, sorting out that posting to the Falklands, my boss asked if I could encourage someone else to take my place, what a brilliant idea!! why didn't I think of that, I wouldn't be able to get in the house for volunteers queuing up!!, so I had to speak to the SSAFA organisation to to put pressure on my unit, I couldn't go until after Joanna was born. That was sorted out, but manning & records would not forget me, as I had escaped going the last time on Operation Corporate (Falklands war) when I got posted to Hong Kong instead. After Joanna arrived I then reminded the admin officer (Captain Hudson) about my inevitable excursion to the Falklands, Manning & Records kept dithering, I didn't want to go there in winter, however, we had another new arrival Sara in 1986 and still no news. I eventually got a phone call saying that as I'd Volunteer'd ?? I had 2 weeks notice to go, with a promise I'd be back for xmas, so fare do's I went.

I left in september 1986 for Brize Norton then on to the Falklands, but we had a problem with the aircraft, one of the engines was playing up, we made our way to the Ascension Islands but were diverted to Liberia, apparently there were storms at Ascension !!, 2 bloody hours (seemed like 6) stuck in that sh*thole of a place. When we did finally arrive at RAF Mount Pleasant during a 34 Knot gale, it was definitely squeaky bum time, so after 24 hours travelling and dithering we got the customary lecture from the customs & excise, "Welcome to the Falkland Islands Ladies and Gentlemen" well, on the other side of the partition (those we were replacing) they started laughing then they burst into a chorus of "We wish you a merry xmas" Hhmm.. yes and the same to you, you basta**s.

I was met by the CSM, Brian Zycinski, (whom I knew from Bracht), we arrived at the Coastel, a floating hotel but really just a mexifloat with portacabins on top, hence coastel, this was on the water and chained to the seabed, this was later used as a floating prison in the USA and at Portland in Dorset (HMP Wear). The next day we were on a run around the Canach, a largish lake, then off to work, my job was being in charge of the Central Distribution Point (CDP) one of the busiest places on the FIPASS (Falkland Islands Port & Storage System) in other words a floating nightmare. I knew quite a few guys there from previous units so we had some laughs, I have to say though it was very busy and the time flew by, Sundays were a day off, we did have a decent mess and even had time for regimental dinners. I did get to know all civilian contacts i.e. hospital, customs, post office and he dreaded Falkland Islands Company!, I had a few run ins with them, thought they owned the place, but I put them right. In the CDP we had the unit bar (Portacabin) all decked out for Friday afternoon Pi** ups er .. I mean happy hours, where the FNG's (Fu**ing New Guys) were welcomed to another chorus of "We wish you a merry xmas" whilst standing on bar stools, oh so much Fu***** fun!, my ribs were aching with laughing, NOT!!!, (Twat's).

This is the CDP on the FIPASS, it could get hectic when the ships were in Port which then became a hard hat area, not sure the hats would provide much protection when 20' ISO containers were flying about. The Motto was TOSCA, "The Only Stores Company Afloat" However, there were a few variations (Steve Hollinshead) "The Only Silly C**** Afloat" more like. Above - Main Entrance to the CDP-------------- Below - Deck of the FIPASS, Port Stanley in the distance.

Click Here - More Falklands Photo's (1986)

The guys were always going on about days to do, i.e. "I'm fresh out of 30's" meaning less then 30 days to going home (Gozome), you could always tell who was happy, up early playing a music video, usually Merry Xmas or Last Christmas just to Pi** everybody off. The worst punishment given for defaulters was to have their holiday extended in this their own little Shangri-la.

Quite often the CO (Col Burr) would have Fire Drills, uaually at 6 am, bloody freezing, all on parade outside the coastel, thing is Colonel Burr had a very bad stammer, "This is a serious drill, it's not a Jo Jo - Jo Joke!", well one of the coloured lads couldn't resist it, "I don't mind the drills, but does he have to Rap Rap Rap it", brilliant!!, typical squaddie humour.

We lived in two man bunks, with forced air ventilation, hence sealed windows, whenever someone caught a cold, we all got cold, perfect for spreading bugs. All the water was recycled, so the same stuff we drank and washed in had already been filtered through our kidney's, YUK!!, soft water, but prone to going off, when filling the kettle for a brew, there was a definite sickly sweet smell, resulting in a urgent call on the PA system for the Coastel Engineer. Each Monday night was barrack in night, cleaning all the floors, bogs etc, think all that Glitto we poured down the loo F***** up the water treatment plant.

We had communual showers on each floor, so I decided to nick ALL the towels when the lads were showering, the scene looked like something from the film Porkies, naked lads running around soaking wet covering their bits, Steve Hollinshead came back to the SNCO's alcove "Broughton, you bastard", happy times.

There was a gym / squash court down in the bowels of the vessel, but being below the waterline we had to work hard to get a sweat on, it was freezing, the coastel manager always had first choice on the squash court, "It's MY coastel" trumped rank. In our alcoves we had TV's (No reception of course), but with VHS Video, the SSVC hired out Video's, free of charge, the lads in the laundry (Night shift) watched during the day, us at night, well, until some thieving scroat nicked the QM's video.

Getting to the FIPASS from our luxury hotel (Bibby Pursuivant) was by cadging a lift or walking, walking was fun usually leaning into the constant wind at an angle of 45 degree's, the same coming back, it just never let up, all day, 24 hours a day, the barges of the FIPASS were connected by walkovers, quite a few unsuspecting visitors last saw their beret's flying over Stanley Sound (Oginized). When the merchant ships were in port they were refueled by a small tanker, the crews often invited us onboard for a few liquid refreshments, but that proved fatal, one could often be found out at sea the next morning stranded, not just in DEEP water, but something else too!. Talking about deep water, it was found that there was lots of rubbish beneath the FIPASS, scrap metal, boxes, gas cylinders and the odd pallet of NBC suits?, one guy lost his spectacles on the coastel, so asked some divers to locate them, well, it was Aladdin's cave down there, apparently there was knives, forks, spoons, hotplates, crockery and all sorts of goodies, the guys on coastel fatigues couldn't be ar*ed to clean up properly, Sammy the resident Seal was well pleased with the leftovers.

It was very busy on the FIPASS, especially in the CDP, we'd work every day until the MV ships were unloaded, not just military supplies, but supplies for the local stores, post office and personal belongings. The two forklift trucks officially belonged to Port Op's, but my predecessor claimed them, no records of servicing etc, they were death traps, so I requested urgent inspections resulting in both vehicles being VOR'd (Vehicle Off Road). But with some ingenuity our 2 i/c Capt Bean acquired two new trucks from Mount Pleasant. When the FILOG Battalion QM popped by his eyes bulged!, "Where did they come from ?", Capt Bean "Er..... the paperwork's in the system!", such blatant lies, good lad.

Whenever ships were in Port (FIPASS), extra security was required, what wasn't nailed down vanished during the night, the NAAFI barge especially!!, Submariners were very keen on spare clothing, their clothes rarley saw the inside of a washing machine, even if they had they'd fall to bits. Meals on the FIPASS were very good, free dobie too, although the Port Safety Officer wasn't too keen on the Friday afternoon P*** up's (Happy Hours), bit dodgy walking off the port, a long way down to the water.

As Battalion Orderly Sergeant we had to attend the junior ranks club (Canach) 10 minutes in the hour, then carry out other security checks and later on close the bar and ensure all went home quietly, fat chance, oh and the going rate for urinating outside was £400. One night I caught 2 culprits bashing each other with snooker cue's, arguing over a poxy lighter, so I boll**ked them (not literally!) and sent them back to the coastel, however, I later got a message from the guard commander, the military police wanted me over at the military hospital, I could see this was going to be a long night. Apparently a fight had taken place in the Canach (JRC Club), one guy got bricked and required medical attention (NAAFI staff saw nothing again!), so I arranged for all concerned to be at the RSM's office next morning at 8 am (early calls booked). At 2:45 am I informed the Orderly Officer (Mr Bennett) that I was off for a shower, then head down for a few hours and would see him at 6 am, guess what ?, all was not done, at 3 am my mate Tony Frangos (ex 81 Ord Coy) had been asleep in his alcove when the resident idiot ammo technician decided to shave off Tony's Eyeburns (or whatever they're called), Tony wakes up and batters this drunken fool and rightly so.

Tony worked in the QM's department in Filog Battalion HQ, bit boring, so when he felt like an afternoon siesta he'd nip into the stores for a kip in one of the coffins!!, mad and bad lol.

I tried to imagine the scene outside the RSM's office at 8 am, well, it was interesting, but not surprising, all in all an eventful night (prevents boredom I suppose), who wants to die of boredom. The following week there's a disco on the coastel and due to finish at 1030 pm, but the Provo sergeant (Shiny) decides to unofficially extend this, I ask him to close the bar/disco and after a heated debate he storms off to his bunk, brandy bottle in hand, I then have to close the Canach, I was very keen to do this following the previous weeks entertainment, there were no problems, well not till the next morning when the RSM gives me a rollicking. The Adjutant had complained about the noise from Shiny's unauthorised disco extension, but I was well prepared, or so I thought ?, I had taken the register book from reception, this shows what events/functions are taking place on the coastel and authorising signatures, BINGO!!, the disco extension had been authorised, well, not so, the provo sergeant (Shiny) had forged the rasman's monica. The RSM wasn't interested and still rollicked me, I knew I was right but this was an argument I knew I couldn't win, however, if I was going down, so was shiny, I found out later the RSM gave shiny a right rifting, shiny never spoke to me again. The RSM said "Sergeant Broughton next time your on duty I'm going AWOL, your a bloody jinx". RSM Tom Appleyard in the Royal Pioneer Corps, "I get band 7 pay to shout at people!" nice!!.

The next time on duty I made my way to the Canach and saw 8 guys relieving themselves outside, I counted and said out loud 400, 800, 1200, 1600 as in £££££ as that was the new going rate for not using the toilet (£400 each), well, you should have seen the looks on their faces trying to stop Pi**ing and doing their fly's up, a new dance maybe ?, they must have been bursting, but I let them off for giving me so much fun seeing them wet their pants.

As part of our tour in the Falklands we were allowed R & R, except twice our RAF friends had mucked it up, the 3rd time the R & R centre had burned down on Saunder's Island, so only one thing for it, had to arrange a MINJO (Man In Need Of Jolly Outing) a day out via Chinook to Saunder's Island, outings for the ladies were aptly named WINJO, I can understand the logic there. A short while later I got a very pleasant surprise, the guy who informed me of my trip to the Falklands suddenly appeared in the CDP, it was Captain Hudson (Admin Officer - Viersen), well I was very pleased to see him in the Falklands and told him so, there was a god after all, we both just laughed, decent bloke all the same.

On the FIPASS we regularly had Gozome parties (Leaving Do's), Dave Gelling and myself had to attend a drinks dinner on the main coastel, but got unofficial permission to quietly leave (Brian Z), it turned out Brian was off too, so he gave us a lift back to our Coastel (To get changed), however, we were being followed by the Military Police with blue lights flashing, Brian said "Decision time boys, you and Dave can hop out now, Co's I'm NOT stopping", we didn't, and he didn't, managing to avoid the monkeys. We made our way to the FIPASS for a gozome, most of the blokes dressed as surgeon's and the invited nurses dressed as St Trinians schoolgirl's, they were all sh*tfaced.

When I and some others were leaving we invited the Falkland Islands Governor and his wife, he was a miserable sod, his misses was great, especially when eating beer mats with Steve Hollinshead (Steve was barking anyway). Friday the 19th December it was gozome for me, lovely sunny day approx 19 degrees (it was their summer) and I finally left the rock, as we took off there was an almighty cheer, however, I had to stay in UK for 2 days waiting for a connecting flight to Germany.

I got chatting to Tam, a guy I knew from the sergeants mess on the coastel, it was an experience drinking / shopping with CSM Tam Turvitt, he wanted to buy a Princess Diana type Polka Dot dress (for his misses, before you ask) in the women's shop which made me feel uneasy, Tam was asking my opinion, I just said yes that's fine to everything, he could sense this and said "you just want to get out of here don't you", well, "look Tam, your wearing a mack, glasses, large tash and a flat cap, you look like a dirty old man". Tam was a wild jock on or off the sportsfield as I was later to find out in Costa del Osnabruck.

I arrived back in not so sunny Moenchengladbach, it was winter here, snow 6" deep and freezing, I had to get re acquainted with my daughter's and most of all Sara, still a baby. I decided no more babies and had the snip in RAF Wegberg, the Matron said this was a painless procedure, using 2 house bricks, SHE wouldn't feel a thing, thanks. Phil Norbury (Ex 3 BAD) and his mate came down from Detmold, we were all traveling to Rotterdam to see Everton V Rapid Vienna in a european cup final, great night, Everton won 2 - 1, on the way back to Germany, we stopped off a few times (mobile pub crawl) you'll never guess who had to drive back inj Phil's brand new Capri, yes the Liverpool supporter, me!! great times.

We had two Warrant Officers both called Mathews, one wrote a letter to the Union Jack (Forces Newspaper) he commented on a phrase used in past military conflicts, describing women who followed the army around providing "Essential Services" for the troops, these were known as Camp Followers, sometimes referred to as Wives Of (Wives of Servicemen), well, this caused an absolute stink throughout Germany. Interpreted that all soldiers wives were not so respectable, the following week the centre pages of the Union Jack were full of irate letters to the term Wives Of (I mean army wives), the wives wanted this guys head on a plate, he said his letter was 50% true 50% wind up, well he certainly achieved that, he even got anonymous phone calls from army officers (including a Brigadier) supporting Mr Mathews but they declined to give their names. The other Mathews had to write a covering letter saying "It wasn't me but the other Mathews" no, not me. Some of the army wives in Krefeld went round wearing T-shirts with the slogan "Wife Of" in protest. Oh, and guess who was chairman of the Viersen wives club ?? John Mathews!!, brilliant wind up.

I was again volunteerd for an ammo guard, this entailed being armed and escorting the Zeebrugge ammo train to my old unit 3 BAD, after signing for the train the wagons were moved to another siding where they had to be sorted and separated by empty trucks for saftey reasons. This was a shambles, the civvy railmen mixed every bloody thing up, we didn't have time to double check and had to be on the move sharpish, ideal situation for any terrorists, we did have our orders in the form of the yellow & green card "Rules of Engagement" roughly translated, we were stuffed if we came under attack.

Viersen was only a small unit, but we still had to pass our miltary skills (FFR) fitness for Roll, only trouble was some were poor in their BFT (Basic fitness) test, the 1st part went ok, but the individual effort was mostly outside the camp, on our way back in to the finish line we were prevented by the local trains, Casey Jones stopped his train right across our route, RSM Jim Finch (DS Team from Bracht) was piss**g himself laughing, made his day.

Phil and Norma came down from Detmold, we were all attending a cocktail night in the mess, it was the best mess function I'd seen there, Conductor Charlie Johnson the senior member was great for moral, all in all a great night. Another regimental dinner I attended was actually held in the junior ranks dining room (Mess wasn't big enough), Colin Canale and I were unfortunately sat next to Vic Morrow?, who decided to eat for nato, scoffing the leftovers of everyone sat nearby, this resulted in him puking all over the table / floor, Colin couldn't bear the stench and left the table (he got a few extra's for that), needless to say Vic picked up a few extra duties too.

On their way back from Summer camp (Bavaria) one group stopped off at a service station, snag is the bus needed Diesel, the driver didn't have enough money, Charlie Johnson had to have a whip round with the hat, Charlie having to make up the difference,could only happen with Ord Service Viersen.

I was very surprised that I was to be awarded the LSGC medal, (for 15 years of undetected crime!!), there were 3 of us receiving this award, can't remember the name of the senior officer awarding the medals, but!!, he had been prosecuted for shoplifting in Woolworth's somewhere in the UK but was let off due to stress if you can believe that??, so RSM Alan Fee advised us to secure our medals once they'd been soaked in a pint of beer (tradition apparently). My boss Captain Brian Downes was also ex 3 BAD, wily old man who knew the score, he definitely had friends in manning & records, he managed to stay in the Rhine area with several postings to Bracht / Viersen, he eventually ended up working at M & R. He did help me with various computer software, Jack Sparrow would've been proud of. Mick Kemble had been informed by Stu Smith (Ex COD Hong Kong) that we were on the promotion roll, I was offered another posting on promotion to 12 Ord Coy in Osnatraz, great, so I jumped at the chance, this was the biggest mistake I ever made in my army career, how's the saying go "Fools rush in"?. it cost me a 13 year marriage and nearly my life.

August 1987, I am now posted to 12 Ordnance Company in Osnabruck (new car springs to mind), but as I left Viersen the only thing I regretted at that time was leaving Moenchengladbach, I really loved the place.

Hilsea Barracks were closed on 31st August 1995, how the place is today ?, Click Here.

Next posting - Click here for Punishment Posting 12 Ordnance Company

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